Stalking Venus

I know he’s being dying to hear from us folks at StalkingVenus, so I’d better hurry up and get on with it. I’m sure that he’s distracted enough already without having to deal with the emotional turmoil of not knowing whether or not he has StalkingVenus’ support…

Congratulations President Obama! On behalf of the intelligent and peace-loving world, I salute you and wish you the best of luck cleaning up that monkey’s mess. We’re all counting on you dude, so do us proud.

Out of interest, did you know that ‘Senator John McCain’ is the only palindrome that doesn’t read the same backwards as it does forwards. How about that?

Sincerely,

StalkingVenus.

Very interesting post over at Kevin Kelly’s blog. It basically sums up much of the thought surrounding the idea of a ‘global megasupercomputer’ that is theorised to be developing naturally as a result of all the computers and processors becoming attached to each other via the internet.

From the article:

“My hypothesis is this: The rapidly increasing sum of all computational devices in the world connected online, including wirelessly, forms a superorganism of computation  with its own emergent behaviors.

“Superorganisms are a different type of organism. Large things are made from smaller things. Big machines are made from small parts, and visible living organisms from invisible cells. But these parts don’t usually stand on their own. In a slightly fractal recursion, the parts of a superorganism lead fairly autonomous existences on their own. A superorganism such as an insect or mole rat colony contains many sub-individuals. These individual organisms eat, move about, get things done on their own. From most perspectives they appear complete. But in the case of the social insects and the naked mole rat these autonomous sub individuals need the super colony to reproduce themselves. In this way reproduction is a phenomenon that occurs at the level of the superorganism.

“I define the One Machine as the emerging superorganism of computers. It is a megasupercomputer composed of billions of sub computers. The sub computers can compute individually on their own, and from most perspectives these units are distinct complete pieces of gear. But there is an emerging smartness in their collective that is smarter than any individual computer. We could say learning (or smartness) occurs at the level of the superorganism.

“Supercomputers built from subcomputers were invented 50 years ago. Back then clusters of tightly integrated specialized computer chips in close proximity were designed to work on one kind of task, such as simulations. This was known as cluster computing. In recent years, we’ve created supercomputers composed of loosely integrated individual computers not centralized in one building, but geographically distributed over continents and designed to be versatile and general purpose. This later supercomputer is called grid computing because the computation is served up as a utility to be delivered anywhere on the grid, like electricity. It is also called cloud computing because the tally of the exact component machines is dynamic and amorphous - like a cloud. The actual contours of the grid or cloud can change by the minute as machines come on or off line.”

As I said, it’s not exactly a new idea, but the article covers it in some detail and raises some good points. Check it out over at KK.org

My cat, Dexter went missing on Friday night and didn’t turn up until Sunday afternoon. Turned out he had got chased into a tree and spent two days up there until one of the neighbours spotted him. I was almost out of my mind with grief, as he’s my favourite cat in the whole world. He’s my little boy.

Seeing as how he’s back unharmed though, I’ll write an ode in his honour:

Dexter isn’t a fancy cat
The first night we had him, he shat and he shat
For he had a gyppo tummy, you see
And we had to wake up to wipe his bum hourly
But despite all that, he grew up quite well
A white, tabby and tortoiseshell
The friendliest beastie I ever did meet
With twenty sharp claws at the end of his feet
He sleeps on my stomach when he finds me in bed
And bumps at my hand with the top of his head
When I thought he was gone, I was sad as can be
But now that he’s back I’m uber happy!

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn’t believe that the volume of traffic DIDN’T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn’t be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They’re not free points either - they’re £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won’t be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT’S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW

The original Motorstorm was the first game I experienced on the PS3, and I played it to death. The graphics were fantastic, and the gameplay, despite being difficult to master at times, appealed to my inner madman.

Not many other racing games (with the notable exception of Burnout Paradise) have made me feel exhilarated and charged up to win as Motorstorm did, and 20 months later, I’m glad to say that the sequel, MotorStorm: Pacific Rift, not only re-awakens the old feelings, but cranks them into overdrive.

Brutal off-road racing is back with a vengeance! In Pacific Rift, the festival has moved from the deep canyons and spires of Monument Valley to a previously unexplored island rich in lush forests, crystal-clear waterfalls, pristine beaches, smoking hot volcano fields, and mist-covered mountain peaks.

The island contains four different zones — Water, Air, Earth and Fire; each zone has its own unique attributes and obstacles. Some elements can be used to your advantage though — driving through a flowing stream or a stagnant pool of water will cool down your turbo so you don’t overheat as much. On the flipside, lava heats up the turbo faster (so watch it closely), but you can also gleefully extinguish you opponents by shoving them into the nearest molten lake!

Motorstorm is characterized by two main things — boost and alternate routes. And Motorstormers will be pleased to find out that all 16 of the island’s tracks come riddled with multiple routes. It’s easy to move from one route to another several times throughout the race.

Depending on the vehicle you have chosen, you need to pick the most strategic route — if you’re on a bike avoid the deep water for you shall sink, and if you’re driving a big rig avoid the big jumps for you shall plummet to an explosive death. Track deformation also has a part to play — as laps progress roads are carved to various depths, and this will affect how your vehicle handles the track. Lighter vehicles, for example, will have a harder time negotiating through the carve-out of a big rig truck.

Speaking of vehicles the usual roster of bikes, ATVs, buggies, rally cars, race trucks, mudpluggers, is complemented with the notable addition of the behemoth Monster Trucks. Good for crushing opponents and vegetation, the monster truck is relatively fast, but careful when making turns, the high centre of gravity makes it very easy to overturn. All your vehicles are conveniently stored in the Garage from which you can make colour and model selections prior to the race.

There are two main modes — Festival and Wreakreation. Festival is the single-player campaign mode where you begin by choosing a rider (male or female) and then jumping into the races specific for each zone. There are various race types, from the normal races, to the speed events, to my favourite, the eliminator events.

The full quote of 16 racers start, and every set period of the, the racer in last position gets eliminated i.e. dies in huge explosion. Be #1 at the end to claim the glory. Winning races allows you to unlock new rider costumes, vehicles, and paint-jobs for each vehicle. The included Photo mode allows you to capture all of your finest (or not-so finest) moments. There are also over 40 varied music tracks to keep your adrenaline pumping during the races. A great addition is that Pacific Rift supports custom soundtracks! All you need to do is access the XMB via PS button and start playing the music.

In Wreckreation, you get to access online play, four-player split-screen, or just for have fun with free-play, which allows you to select your vehicle, track, number of laps of your choice, and the type of vehicles you want to race against. In term of the online play, competitors gather in a lobby where the host selects the tracks and vehicles.

Players are able to veto a track if they are not entirely happy with the choice — enough votes and the track selection will have to be made again. Alongside the ranked and casual races, the custom match option enables you to create a game and send invites to your friends. There is matchmaker to help you find games based on your preferences, and you can access all manner of statistics and leader boards. Evolution Studios, creators of Pacific Rift, will also make downloadable content available in the near future.

Compared to its predecessor, Pacific Rift has much better presentation values, and the controls feel somewhat tighter. The graphics look fantastic with vivid colours, good lighting, mesmerising scenery, and a very smooth frame rate. Add on the multitude of tracks and race types, and Pacific Rift is a frenzied racer that shouldn’t be missed whether you’re a fan of the original or a newcomer.

As with most games, practice makes perfect and it is no different in Pacific Rift. The gameplay is intense and can be frustrating at time, but it is good fun and feels very rewarding to win. Once you’ve become accustomed to the handling of your vehicles, learn how to take advantage of the tracks elements, and you’ll be boosting to victory! God luck and don’t forget your crash helmet!

- Many thanks to contributing reviewer onelargeprawn for assistance with this one!

I have a new office chair.

I’m not getting my hopes up just yet, because I’ve never had an office chair with which I have felt truly comfortable, but there’s a first time for everything.

The day I joined my present company, I complained about my chair. Now no matter what anyone tells you, I’m actually a fairly easy going person. No, really.

Despite this though, I have a bad back and I get uncomfortable very quickly. After trying two different models of office chair, and going home with a numb ass after each one, I resigned myself to using the visitor’s chair with a pillow brought from home - The most comfortable option I could manage, but still horrendous.

But all that changed today. My boss, lovely woman that she is, had invited an ergonomist around to the offices to see if anything could be done to improve the work environment. When I say she pounced on me (the ergonomist, not my boss), I’m only exaggerating slightly. She took in the sight of me sprawled out in my non-swivel non-ergonomic non-policy visitor’s chair, with my feet perched up on the casing of my computer and started making weird gargling noises deep in the back of her throat.

She extended a finger in my direction, turned to look at my boss and said, “What… is… that?” My boss, looking a little nonplussed, said “Er… That’s Tim. He’s one of our writers.”

Well, I’ve already given you a long story today, so I’ll cut this one short. My new chair is apparently the “Italian equivalent” of the Herman Miller Aeron chair (and boy was the ergonomist impressed when I knew what that was!) The biggest difference of course is that, unlike the Aeron, my chair doesn’t cost a thousand U.S. dollars.

But hopefully it’ll do.

Today I donated blood for the first time…

First you have to fill out a form explaining that you’re not a deviant, sexually-perverted, diseased, drug-addled maniac. Then, if they believe you, you head into the ‘mobile donation unit’ (aka BloodMobile) and get to be stabbed in the finger so they can measure your blood iron levels.

After that, they lead you over to the reclining chair, where they get down to the real nitty-gritty.

Now my wife, Abby has donated blood many times. She’s a universal donor, which means that everyone can use her blood. This means she’s getting constant text messages from the blood people saying they want her blood. It’s all a bit creepy.

Anyway, she is terrified (I’m talking falling-down-in-a-faint terrified) of giving blood, but she does it anyway. I’ve always found this quite amusing, because invariably I have to go along, hold her hand and be the strong one - mainly because the nurses are too little to pick her up on their own after she’s fainted.

So, I consider myself brave and somewhat experienced despite the fact that I’ve never donated blood before. When the nurse asks me if it’s my first time, I say: “Yeah, but bring it on, baby! I can handle this shit, no probs. I’m like the Prince of Plasma; the Baron of Blood; the Napster of Needles” (Okay, I didn’t say that last one, it’s silly, but you get my drift.)

So, they’re all like “Oho. We’ve got a pro over here. Load him up and suck him dry!” They push me down onto the chair, which come to think of it is covered in black leather and has weird metallic appendages sticking out of it. The word ‘torture’ flits through my mind. I swallow hard. I can do this… And I think I can keep a brave look on my face…

The nurse attaches a cuff to my arm and then fills it up with a sinister hiss of air. My arm instantly turns blue and all the veins stick out in a network of pulsing purple tubes. “Jesus fucking christ!!” I say in my calm John Wayne tone of voice. ‘Is that supposed to happen?!”

The nurse looks at my arm and says. “Oops.”

I’m sorry, but ‘oops?’, ‘OOPS?!?’   What… The… Fuck?!

“I may have made it a little tight,” she says. My nerve is now feeling a little frayed. It hasn’t yet snapped, but I can definitely hear that weird pinging noise as the individual strands of confidence start tearing away. I have broken out in a sweat.

“Are you alright?” she asks, peering into my face.

“Well of course I’m fucking alright. I’ve made it clear that I can handle this no problems, so don’t ask me if I’m alright. I’m fine, can we please get on with this, because I must have had too much caffeine today - I’m feeling a little faint.” Is what I don’t say.

Instead, I squeak out a little “Yes, fine thanks nurse”.

Then that little monster disguised as a sweet and pretty young care-giver slaps me on the inside of my elbow, grins, and shoves - and I’m not shitting you - a fucking hosepipe into my arm!

“There now. That’s the worst of it,” she says, and potters off to violate some other unsuspecting victim.

I’m lying there in shock. Vaguely I can hear someone telling me to squeeze the steel torture device that Cruella deNurse has placed in my hand. I do so, in case they stick me with more needles for non-compliance. Each time I squeeze, there’s a dull ache in my arm. It’s okay though, I can hardly feel it on account of the shiny pretty sparkles I’m watching dance about the ceiling.

I glance down once at the complex contraption hanging out of my vein. Tubes, scissors, plastic clamps, vials, adjustment knobs, and a great big bag of blood swinging back and forth on a metal seesaw that’s glinting in the light coming through the BloodMobile door. Every time I squeeze the thing in my hand, the bag filled with my blood flops back and forth like a dying fish that’s been hauled from it’s peaceful little pond.

So, basically, Abby: Now I know what it’s like, I promise not to laugh at you again. To all of those of you who give blood regularly - Congratulations, you people are frikkin heroes!

Here’s an interesting and somewhat bizarre thing. The Oregon State Insane Asylum was open from 1883 to sometime in the early 70’s. During this time, many inmates of the asylum died. The thing is though that many of them had no families to claim the bodies.

So the asylum directors had these dead folks cremated, stuck in the equivalent of Nesquik tins and stored on shelves in a room. This became known as the ‘Library of Dust’. When photographer David Maisel managed to gain permission to enter the room, he found that some 5118 canisters had corroded and the remains had ‘boiled’ out and interacted with the metal of the canister and the moisture in the air. Each tin is therefore completely unique. Maisel photographed them and has released them as a book. Kinda weird, but also kinda sad.

Here are some of the tins from the Library of Dust: