Stalking Venus

I’m not one of these car geeks that can tell you all the stats and engine details of all of the different new cars on the market. For me, that’s just a step away from those train spotting Anoraks that I used to see lurking about in the rain, holding clipboards at train stations in the days when I lived over in the United Kingdom. I used to know a guy like this at school that could render a fully detailed and highly accurate pencil sketch of all of the new BMW models for any given year. He also sucked his thumb in class.

But as a red-blooded male, I like to look at sexy, hot, shapely things. Cars included.

I’ve always had a bit of a thing for the Bugatti Veyron. It’s such a disgustingly powerful car that’s so disgustingly far outside the price range of anything I could ever afford, with such blatant, vicious and arrogant good looks, that the desire for possession it raises in me is akin to some sort of physical lust.

The thought that Mr. ‘Rowan-Atkinson’ Bean gets to drive around in one of these things actually makes my blood boil and my teeth itch.

Now there’s a new Veyron on the market (assuming you can afford the two million dollar price for one of these limited edition single-run beauties). It’s called the Bugatti Veyron FBG par Hermes. This is because it’s designed by some fashion designer guy called Hermes (apparently he’s famous) and it’s named after the place where he works, the Rue du Faubourge Saint Honore in Paris. This is all a bit pretentious for a car name, so I’m going to refer to it from here on out as the FBG.

Now as I said earlier, I don’t know all the details off-hand, and although I could tell you the difference between torque and Torquemada, I’d also have to be honest and admit that this knowledge comes from ‘Ridge Racer 7′ and old Mel Brooks movies, rather than any sort of inherent or acquired car expertise.

Jeremy Clarkson, I aint.

But because I’ve got a bit of a hard-on for this Veyron thing, I happen to have looked it’s engine details.

The FBG has the same 1001-bhp V-16 quad-turbocharged engine as the ’standard’ Veyron. This, according to the factory, enables it to go from standstill to 62 miles per hour in 2.6 seconds. 2-point-six-fucking-seconds!!

I’d be all like:

“Lah-la-la, here’s me sitting casually at the traffic signal, pay no attention to my shiny, sleek, lumpy car. Ignore the subtle revving power-whine of my engine. No, ignore all those things. Instead, notice the slight inclination of my head and the quietly superior quirkiness of my smile. “Oh, you want to dice?” you say. See me give a light nod. Ah yes. I want to dice. I want to dice very, very much.”

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWMMMM!!!!

“Dice this, motherfucker.”

But I digress…

It’s not just the power of the Veyron engine that makes the FBG special, but the incredible attention to design and detail that’s been put into the car by designer Hermes.

Many top-end car interiors look as if the designers have taken a page out of science fiction and tried to make their cabins look as high-tech as possible, stuffing them with bright lights and shiny gadgets. The FBG instead maintains a minimal, but badass look, making the driver’s experience about driving the car rather than fucking around with little knobs and twinkly lights.

The whole package is a bit of a circle-wank for designer Hermes, what with his logo on the wheel hubs, fuel-filler door, and with an “H” motif on all of the mesh grills, engine air snorkels and rocker panel inlets, but in this one case, I think it can be forgiven. If you’re going to shell out upwards of $2M for a designer car, you kind of want to have his signature on the artwork, no?

Source and Images: Road & Track